My ACL Journey and What I’ve Learned
So, to give you some background, I’ve been dancing for over 20 years of my life. I’ve gone through a couple of injuries in my life including sprained ankles, shin splits, a broken toe, a sprained knee, and the list goes on. It never occurred to me, especially once I gave up competitive dancing, that I would one day be in this position to undergo ACL surgery and recovery. See, I completely understand life just happens, and it definitely sucks when these out-of-our-control incidents happen. So, I thought I’d share my journey with anyone curious or looking to seek comfort if you’re going through a similar incident of your own.
As for anatomy for those who may not be familiar - the anterior cruciate ligament (ACL) is one of the key ligaments that help stabilize the knee joint. It's most commonly torn during sports that involve sudden stops and changes in direction — such as basketball, soccer, tennis, and volleyball (Mayo Clinic). According to several online sources, I found that female athletes are 2-6x more likely to tear it vs. their male counterparts.
A shameless photo from one of my happiest competitive dance memories: UB 2016
How did it happen?
I decided to go take a hip-hop class in NYC which is nothing out of the ordinary as I would take a couple of classes a month. It had been some time since I was in the studio in New York and I ran late so (in hindsight - stupidly) only did minimal warm-up. It was time for groups and the routine itself involved a lot of footwork. It was a combination of the adrenaline, my distracted mind, and potentially slippery floors from the rainy weather, but I landed on my foot wrong in a weight change and immediately fell down on the wooden floors. I had felt a ‘popping’ sensation when I fell and then my knee buckled as I tried to get back up. I was worried as this was a sensation I had never experienced. I then called a few friends immediately for advice, limped my way to Walgreens to pick up a brace and painkillers, and then limped my way back to my apartment. I decided to just ice, elevate, and pray it was nothing major.
I saw an orthopedist two days later, who diagnosed me with a full ACL tear. At this point, I was in full denial. I thought, since I was able to walk on it yesterday without it being THAT uncomfortable or painful, it couldn’t possibly be a full tear. I’ve seen people on TV who blackout and/ or are holding their knees lying on the ground because of the terrible, excruciating pain. So, at this point, I wore my knee brace, minimized as much physical activity to the best of my ability, continued to use the RICE method, and waited until imaging to confirm the diagnosis.
It took me about a month to get imaging done and it was then confirmed, yep - my ACL isn’t intact anymore (AKA full tear). And while I knew it was a huge possibility, I was still in shock nevertheless. The good news about this diagnosis was that my ACL was the only thing that I had injured/damaged. It is pretty common for other ligaments of your knee to also give out or tear when going through any type of traumatic injury so it was a sigh of relief to know it was only one part of my knee that would need reconstruction.
Now I just had to figure out what my path would be with this injury: Do I go through with surgery or try non-operative rehabilitation? What would this mean for my plans for the rest of the year? When would I be able to dance again?
Pre-hab was the way to go.
I was told by friends who had gone through the surgery or from friends who are PTs themselves, that pre-hab would be super crucial and beneficial to one’s recovery. I found this to be true and would highly recommend it for anyone who has torn their ACL or injured their knee in general. After the four physical therapy sessions I had, I was able to walk completely normally again, get my full range of motion, and be cleared to continue going to the gym (with normal safety precautions, of course). I felt more confident and ‘normal’ (although not actually) about my knee/joint health overall. If there was anything I would have changed, it would have been to train even harder at the gym for my quads specifically prior to the surgery. Pre-hab instilled confidence that I could have most of my comfort and performance back, even after a major injury (‘Fun’ fact: I traveled to 4 different countries with my torn ACL).
After getting the green light from pre-hab, I met with multiple surgeons to get opinions on what graft I would choose for my surgery and understand the risks and potential complications that came with surgery. I was told that because I was young and still looking to live an active life, that surgery should definitely be the route I take.
I decided to move forward with the surgeon that I felt most comfortable with and scheduled surgery right around my 3-month mark post-injury. I was informed by a few doctors that this 3 month time window would be an ideal time for surgery as I could get all initial swelling down, be able to participate in pre-hab, and have time to get everything in order for my post-operative recovery. For those curious, I ended up going with a BPTB (bone–patellar tendon–bone) autograft.
Surgery Day
It was quite honestly a blur. I remember the anesthesiologist counting me down to take a few deep breaths and next thing you know, I had bandaging and a hefty brace on my knee, and the rest was history. I got to the hospital around 10 AM, after signing paperwork, getting dressed, meeting with anesthesiologists, getting acquainted with my nurses, getting the procedure, and post-op instructions with medication, I was finally discharged at around 5:30 PM. And that’s when my recovery clock began.
Side note: I had been on the ACL subreddit for a couple of months, anxious about my own procedure, and how things would go down. It wasn’t as anxiety-inducing as opposed to the days or even weeks leading up to it. I never had a major surgery done before so I wasn’t sure what to expect, and was anxious about any potential complications. I am truly grateful for the professional medical care I received and all the support near and far! Everything went extremely well.
Physical Therapy
Physical therapy will be my best friend and something I regularly attend for months to come. I have been extremely grateful to have found a PT that I know will get me back in shape, and (ideally) help me come out of this even stronger. I have heard people say that your choice of graft will not matter by the year mark but how much energy and effort you put into your physical therapy matters so much more for your recovery, especially if you’re planning on being active again. This is where my true determination will be tested if I can continue to meet my physical therapy activities with consistency, persistence, and patience.
Things you will absolutely need:
Positive Mindset: This is number one because mindset really is everything. They say that an ACL recovery is almost all mental tenacity vs. physical tenacity. Although, it is definitely tough to figure out how to use your knee again physically, getting through the hurdles of discomfort and negative emotions is a whole other challenge. Not every day has been bright ever since getting the surgery, but I remind myself that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and only by fully believing in myself am I able to truly visualize that version of me that is strong, active, and on the go again.
Help from family members or friends: The first couple of weeks, I was unable to get in and out of bed properly and really do any basic tasks (walk, cook, drive, etc.) so it was crucial to have help nearby. It was also really important that I had a strong emotional support system nearby when I went through mood changes from being cooped up at home.
A queue of Netflix shows (I definitely have recommendations if you need them)
Pain medication - Tylenol and anything your Dr. also prescribes you (staying on top of your medication is crucial in the first week. I thought I was being brave by trying to embrace the pain without all my medications, but I was humbled real quick…)
Supplements - I took Vitamin D, probiotic gummies, glucosamine, and collagen every day
Pillows (Lots of them!!)
Nice to haves: Shower chair, stationary bike, yoga mat/ resistance bands, wedge pillow, bed desk, an endless supply of snacks
Here are some important lessons I’ve learned along the way (thus far):
Health is wealth. Nothing like getting injured in your late 20s to remind me that I’m not as ‘invincible’ as I once was. I was (and still am) grateful to be very healthy and to have had a very smooth recovery thus far. I have always tried to prioritize my physical and mental health because I knew it would really count someday. Please take this as a sign to take care of yourselves! The condition of your body really is so important to the life you want to lead.
You are never alone in your journey. Although it was unfortunate that 3 of my dear friends had gone through this process themselves, it was comforting to see that they had already passed through the road that I was currently on (and helpful to hear their anecdotes). I also utilized Reddit to find ‘buddies’ who were at the same stage that I was at which also helped immensely. It’s easy to feel isolated when we are going through a difficult time in our lives but when we are able to let others in, we can deepen those relationships immensely and soothe our anxieties.
Focus on getting 1% better every day. Take each victory no matter how small. This is something I picked up from reading the infamous self-help book, Atomic Habits by James Clear. It wasn’t realistic for me to think that I would be back in a hip-hop dance class by the end of this year. Unfortunately, returning to sports for an ACL injury is closer to the year mark. So, although I knew that was going to be my end goal along with getting all my strength back, I focused on what I could improve on day after day. Quad strength, getting my extension, walking properly, correcting my squat form, and so on. It made getting through every day a lot easier, with way less pressure. I just had to be a little bit better than I was yesterday. I do want to note that healing is not always linear and it unfortunately wasn’t always a steady progression, there were days when my numbers dipped or looked stagnant, but as long as I kept reminding myself that I just needed to keep taking steps forward (both literally and figuratively) - I’ll be at the finish line in no time.
This too shall pass. As corny of a phrase as it is, it’s so true. Yesterday’s problems were allowed to stay in the past because I worked hard each day on my progress and reminded myself that every worry, obstacle, and issue I was currently facing would someday be a distant memory. None of my pain would ever be permanent. It is certainly a new and different season of life that I am going through, but even in a year’s time, I will certainly not remember what happened on day 45 or even all the anxieties about which doctor, which graft, which PT, and all the other little details that I once spent days if not weeks worrying about. Tough moments don’t last, but tough people do (I had to throw in another cheesy quote, I’m sorry).
Your inner dialogue is key. As I mentioned in the ‘must-haves’, coming into this with a positive mindset really is crucial. I realized that I was limiting myself with my own beliefs and self-talk when it came to my physical capabilities. For instance, when I would be asked to do a certain movement, the first words that often came out of my mouth were ‘I can’t.’ Maybe it was physically uncomfortable or difficult, but anything that my doctors or physical therapists were asking me to do was something that I was fully capable of. When I made this connection in my own mind that I was becoming my own obstacle, I actively worked on fixing this self-talk to be more encouraging and optimistic.
It’s okay to slow down. Rest is productive. It was hard for me to see everyone else in my life continue on with their lives when it felt like suddenly mine came to a halt. As someone who is always on the go and on their feet, it was a really big adjustment to actually rest and sit still. I understood I would have to make sacrifices when I went forward with this procedure (and constantly remind myself that it would ultimately benefit me in the long run). My once socially packed calendar would suddenly be really quiet for weeks. I quite honestly, have never been horizontal in my entire life for as much as I was the first couple of weeks. But, I will happily admit (besides the pain I endured in week one), that it was actually really nice and rejuvenating. Finally taking doctor’s orders to heart and going on a prescribed break to rest, let my body heal, and stock up enough energy to take on exercising again was crucial to all the positive progress I made in the early stages.
My psychological well-being is just as important as my physical well-being. I made sure to quiet my mind and reduce as much anxiety and stress around me, as it has been proven in studies that these negative emotions can affect wound healing. Spending time with loved ones, keeping up with friends online, reading, diving into my hobbies, and making sure I was eating nutritious meals all helped with my overall well-being.
I do hope that anyone who took the time to read this found it insightful or helpful! I will continue to share more updates and lessons through my journey to a full recovery. Thank you for reading through and if you have any questions at all, please feel free to reach out. Stay safe and take care of your bodies!
